Why Bother?

Photo - Morning at Holy Cross All right reserved - Sandra Lee Schubert

by Sandra Lee Schubert

Spiritual Development is one of those things I hope will just happen because I wake up every day. Because I attend Church faithfully. Because I devote so much time to church life. Immersion in church life does not necessarily lead to enlightenment. Every day you must deal with the same kind of emotional issues, people and predicaments as in every other area of life. Still we expect more when we enter a church environment. Our priests should be nice, our services uplifting, the sermons inspiring and the music perfect. And we want even more. There is an expectation for something deep and powerful to happen. We don’t expect disappointment. And sometimes we are.

At an early point in our congregation retreat this past March I realized I had enough of Lent. During the day I work fulltime for an Episcopal church. At night I work on congregation stuff and a variety of projects. Just before the retreat I had printed out almost 2,000 Easter bulletins, worked on the Wild Angels anthology and had done a variety of congregation related things. My weekends were booked until the middle of May. I was far removed from any kind of spiritual reflection and I was real close to the deep end. I had a brief conversation with Reverend Tom Miller who was leading our retreat. Reverend Miller made some simple suggestions for carving out some time to be alone for reflection and rejuvenation.

When I am sidetracked by the busyness of work, distracted by responsibilities and just plain tired I lose any sense of the divine. The question before me is, “Why bother?” That can be a difficult question. I must step back and think about it. I love the Church. The services feed me in ways I can’t really articulate. I am moved by the ritual, music, the company I keep. But it isn’t always so. Some Sundays it all feels dry. But even on those “dry” days I am anchored by something I can’t explain. It makes me think of how a compass point pulls to true north. I can’t help myself.

The task before me is to remember the divine, to take the time for quiet reflection and prayer. Individually and as a congregation knowing how to embrace all that comes with being human. The challenge is accepting it isn’t always the way we would like it to be. The work is how to welcome, nourish and journey with everyone who walks through our doors with their own set of expectations, disappointments and sorrows. How can we carve out time to be alone and in community? The continuing question is how can we take care of one another?

Email: wardens@stsaviour.dioceseny.org